Beyond Behavior Charts: The Power of Co-Regulation at School & Home

A teacher-mom’s guide for classrooms and living rooms

When we talk about emotional regulation and student behavior, we often jump straight to charts, token boards, or consequence systems. Those can have a place — but behind every strategy that truly works is something quieter, deeper, and more relational:

A regulated adult helping a developing child regulate.

That’s co-regulation.

Co-regulation happens when we lend our calm until a child can find their own. It’s not about managing a child’s emotions for them — it’s about guiding them through, showing them what calm looks and feels like in real time.

And while many resources explain what co-regulation is, we often forget something crucial:

Children thrive when their co-regulation tools and language feel consistent across the two worlds they spend most of their time — school and home.

When teachers and parents use similar words, visuals, and rhythms, kids learn that calm isn’t situational — it’s something they can access anywhere.

What Co-Regulation Looks Like

Co-regulation has three simple, powerful ingredients:

• Warm, responsive connection

• Predictable, safe environments

• Modeling and coaching of calming strategies

It’s the adult’s tone, posture, and patience that make regulation possible.
For neurodivergent children or those with IEPs, these relational cues are essential — they build the foundation for long-term self-regulation and confidence.

Why Alignment Between School and Home Matters

When a child learns one coping tool at school and a totally different one at home, regulation feels like a moving target.
But when both spaces share similar visuals and approaches, the child’s brain connects the dots faster.

Here’s what that might look like:

• A teacher uses Calm Together Cards during class transitions, and a parent keeps a set on a key ring in the car or calm-down basket at home.

• Both adults reference the same breathing strategies — “Flower Breath,” “Candle Breath,” “Rainbow Breath” — with matching visuals, so the child doesn’t have to relearn the language of calm each time.

• When big feelings hit, both home and classroom adults use the same 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Strategy steps to help the child reconnect with the present moment.

The tools themselves aren’t magic — the consistency is.

Practical Co-Regulation Ideas for Educators

• Open each day or lesson with a quick “regulation check-in” — use visuals from your Calm Together Cards or breathing posters.

• Narrate your own calm: “My heart’s beating fast, so I’m going to do Rainbow Breath with you.”

• Use calm-down corners as co-regulation spaces, not isolation zones — go there together, not as a punishment.

• Keep your own “adult calm kit”: a reminder card, deep breaths between groups, a sip of coffee, a short stretch — because regulated teachers regulate students.

At Home: Building a Co-Regulation Routine

• Keep a small set of Calm Together Cards in a “calm basket” or on a key ring for on-the-go use.

• Try a grounding routine before tricky times like bedtime or homework: “Let’s notice 5 things we see, 4 we can touch…”

• Hang a Breathing Strategies Poster in your child’s play space and use it preventatively, not just in meltdowns.

• Narrate your own emotions: “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed — I’m going to take a Flower Breath with you.”

• Practice calm when everyone is calm — it’s the best time to build the muscle.

A Real-Life Example

At home, one of my little ones has big feelings, especially during transitions or moments of frustration — like when playtime ends or a favorite snack isn’t available. We’ve practiced the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding strategy during calm moments, so when emotions run high, it’s a familiar tool instead of a brand-new idea in the middle of overwhelm.

The other day, his eyes filled with tears and his shoulders tensed. I knelt beside him, took a slow breath, and quietly said, “Let’s find five things we can see.” He sniffled, looked around, and whispered, “The couch… the lamp… the truck…”
With each step — touch, hear, smell, taste — his breathing slowed, his muscles softened, and that tight, overwhelmed energy melted into calm connection.

And here’s the part I love most: that same strategy lives in my classroom. When one of my students’ bodies starts to tell me they’re flooded — fidgeting, fast breathing, big emotions rising — we pause and walk through those grounding steps together. I’ve seen the same shift happen there too: shoulders drop, brows soften, voices return to steady.

It’s a powerful reminder that tools don’t just belong to “home life” or “school life.”
When kids see adults model and use the same strategies across environments, those skills take root in a deeper, lasting way.

Final Thoughts

Co-regulation isn’t another behavior tool — it’s the connection that gives every other strategy power.
When adults stay grounded, model calm, and use consistent visuals across settings, kids don’t just “settle down.”
They learn how to settle themselves.

They carry that skill from the classroom to the car ride, from the dinner table to the playground.
That’s the goal — not perfection, but transferable calm.

Supporting Little Ones Through Halloween Sensory Overload

Halloween always sounds like the perfect classroom celebration — the laughter, the costumes, the themed games, and that festive hum that fills the school halls. But for many young children, especially those with sensory sensitivities, the excitement of the day can quickly become overwhelming.

When “Fun” Feels Overwhelming

Sensory processing differences are incredibly common among young children — not only for those with diagnosed sensory processing disorder or autism, but also for many neurotypical kids still learning to manage the world’s sensory demands. A costume that feels fine for one child might feel itchy, hot, tight, or scratchy to another. Add bright lights, music, excited chatter, and new routines, and you have a day that’s full of sensory input from every direction.

We often think of Halloween as “fun for everyone,” but the truth is, fun looks different for every child. When the sights, sounds, and sensations pile up, their nervous system can go into overdrive — not because they’re being “difficult,” but because they’re simply overwhelmed.

Expectation vs. Reality — The Fall Festival Story

One year, during my time teaching Pre-K, we hosted what I thought was going to be the perfect Fall Festival. Students came dressed in costumes, parents volunteered, and we transformed the courtyard into a rotation of carnival-style games and booths. It was colorful, festive, and buzzing with excitement — exactly how I pictured a great celebration should look.

And for some children, it truly was magical. They laughed with friends, proudly showed off their costumes, and moved eagerly from one booth to the next.

But for others, the reality was much harder. The noise level was intense, directions were fast-paced, and some games required skills or concepts they didn’t quite understand yet. What was meant to be fun started to feel confusing, loud, and unpredictable.

I quickly realized that while I was rotating through stations with the large group, some of my students were struggling just to make it through the next few minutes. One of my incredible paraprofessionals stayed back in the classroom to create a quiet, familiar space for those who needed it. Another para helped escort children back and forth as needed — giving them the chance to take a sensory break whenever things felt “too big.”

Back in the calm classroom, those children relaxed almost instantly. They played with blocks, colored quietly, or looked at books with a friend. They smiled again. Watching that happen shifted something for me — I realized that keeping the day joyful doesn’t mean every child has to do everything. Sometimes, the best part of a special day is giving children the freedom to experience it in a way that feels safe for them.

What Sensory Overload Can Look Like

Sensory overload can show up in lots of ways — covering ears, crying, hiding, or shutting down completely. Some children might appear “hyper” or unfocused, while others might seem withdrawn or refuse to participate. It’s not defiance; it’s self-preservation. Their brains are trying to protect them from too much input.

Shifting Our Focus: Child-Centered Celebrations

The most meaningful classroom celebrations are child-centered. That doesn’t mean no costumes or no fun — it means recognizing that “fun” can look different for every student.

Here are a few ways we can make Halloween (and similar special events) feel inclusive and joyful for all:

1. Preview the Day.

Talk about what will happen — in simple, clear language — and use visuals or social stories to help students understand what to expect.

2. Offer Costume Flexibility.

Let families know it’s okay to modify or skip costumes altogether. Pajama days, themed shirts, or favorite-color outfits can still feel festive.

3. Keep Routines Steady.

Maintain the same morning routine and schedule wherever possible. Predictability is comforting, especially on high-energy days.

4. Plan for Breaks.

Create a calm-down corner or classroom “safe space” for children who need a sensory break. Let them know it’s always okay to use it.

5. Simplify Instructions.

If games or activities have complex directions, simplify them or provide visual cues so all students can participate at their comfort level.

6. Focus on Connection Over Compliance.

If a child opts out of an activity, that’s okay. Find ways to connect with them — a small helper role, a quiet game, or simply sharing a book together.

Why I Created “When My Costume Feels Uncomfortable”

After years of watching children struggle through events like that Fall Festival, I wanted to give teachers and parents a way to prepare kids before those big sensory days. That’s how When My Costume Feels Uncomfortable was born — a gentle, rhyming social story that helps children understand what’s happening in their bodies when something feels “too much.”

The story walks them through common experiences — scratchy fabric, loud sounds, different routines — and introduces self-regulation strategies in kid-friendly language. It reassures them that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable, and that there are ways to feel better, like asking for a break or choosing softer layers.

It’s perfect to read at school during circle time or at home before trick-or-treating. The goal isn’t to eliminate the challenges entirely — it’s to give children the tools, confidence, and understanding they need to navigate them.

Keeping the Day About the Child

At the end of the day, Halloween doesn’t have to be perfect — it just has to be positive. When we make celebrations about the child instead of the checklist, we create room for joy in all its forms.

For some children, that joy might come from parading proudly in their costume. For others, it might come from coloring pumpkins quietly in the classroom, or helping a friend pick up beanbags after a game. Both are equally valuable.

When we lead with empathy and flexibility, we remind children that their feelings are valid, their comfort matters, and that there’s no “wrong” way to celebrate.

Because sometimes, the best Halloween memories aren’t about the costumes at all — they’re about being seen, understood, and accepted just as they are.

5 Mistakes Parents Make in IEP Meetings and How to Avoid Them

If you have ever walked out of an IEP meeting feeling overwhelmed, unheard, or like you forgot half of what you wanted to say, you are not alone.

As an ESE teacher, I have sat in more IEP meetings than I can count. I have seen so many parents who desperately want to be involved and advocate for their child, but they just don’t know what questions to ask or what they should say. Many parents are not familiar with special education or the IEP process, and because of that, they sometimes feel like the odd one out at the table. But the truth is, no one knows or loves their child more than the parents do, and the parent input is one of the most valuable pieces of the whole process. That is exactly why I created the IEP 101: Parent Guide, to give parents the knowledge and confidence to walk into meetings as active, empowered members of the team rather than silent bystanders.

The good news is that with preparation and a few insider strategies, you can avoid the most common pitfalls parents face and walk into the room feeling confident and in control. Let’s break down five mistakes parents often make in IEP meetings and what to do instead.

Mistake 1: Going in Without a Clear Plan

The pitfall: Many parents walk into IEP meetings hoping they will just remember everything they want to bring up. In the fast-paced environment of a team meeting, it is easy to lose track of your priorities.

The fix: Write everything down. Before the meeting, make a list of your child’s strengths, needs, progress, and specific concerns. Bring copies of private evaluations, notes from teachers, or even your own observations at home. A written plan ensures you will not leave without addressing what matters most.

Resource: My free IEP Prep Checklist walks you step by step through exactly what to gather before your next meeting so nothing slips through the cracks.

Mistake 2: Focusing Only on Weaknesses

The pitfall: Parents naturally want to advocate for areas where their child struggles — but sometimes that means the conversation becomes all about deficits. And that’s only half the story.

The fix: Always start with strengths. Share what lights them up! Share what motivates your child, what interests them, and what strategies already work at home. This builds a positive tone for the meeting and helps the team think about how to build on your child’s unique abilities, not just remediate their struggles.

Teacher tip: When you bring up concerns, connect them to strengths. For example, “He loves music. Can we use songs to support his reading goals?” This shifts the discussion from problems to possibilities.

Mistake 3: Accepting Vague Goals or Services

The pitfall: Sometimes IEP goals or services are written in vague language such as “will improve reading skills” or “receive support as needed.” These sound nice, but they are not measurable, and without clear benchmarks it is hard to hold the school accountable.

The fix: Ask for specific, measurable goals and services. Instead of “improve reading,” you want something like:

“By May, the student will read 40 sight words with 80 % accuracy in three out of four trials.”

That’s concrete. You can track it. And you can hold the team accountable.

Ask questions like:

• How will this goal be measured?

• Who’s responsible for progress monitoring?

• How often will we get updates?

Resource: I break down how to recognize strong versus weak goals and how to request changes in my IEP 101: Parent Guide. It is written to help you feel confident in reviewing your child’s IEP.

Mistake 4: Not Asking Questions

The pitfall: Acronyms start flying, people talk fast, and you don’t want to interrupt, so you nod along, hoping it will all make sense later. But by the time you get home, you’re thinking, “Wait… what did we just agree to?”

The fix: Ask questions — lots of them. And do not be afraid to pause the meeting until you get clear answers.

If something sounds unclear, say:

• “Can you explain that in plain language?”

• “Can you give me an example of how that support will look day-to-day?”

Teacher tip: Bring a notepad and write down questions as you think of them. Then check them off during the meeting so you know they are answered.

Mistake 5: Forgetting That You Can Follow Up

The pitfall: Parents often feel like the IEP meeting is their one shot to get everything right. But IEPs are living documents, and you do not have to wait a full year to make changes.

The fix: If something is not working, or if new concerns arise, you can request another meeting at any time. You can also follow up with emails to clarify, request updates, or document agreements in writing. Advocacy is ongoing, not one and done.

Resource: The free IEP Prep Checklist I mentioned earlier also includes tips for after the meeting so you know exactly how to document and follow up effectively.

Final Thoughts

IEP meetings can feel intimidating (even for teachers!), but here’s the thing: you know your child best. When you come in with a plan, celebrate strengths, push for clarity, ask questions, and follow up, you show the team that you are not only involved, you are a partner in the process.

Mistakes happen. That’s okay. Every meeting is a learning experience, and the fact that you’re reading this means you’re already doing something right: showing up, learning, and advocating with love.

Free and Paid Resources for Parents

Free Resource: Download my IEP Prep Checklist to get organized before your next meeting. It is the same tool I use to guide parents I work with, and it makes the process so much less overwhelming.

Paid Resource ($35): If you are ready to dive deeper, my IEP 101: Parent Guide breaks everything down step by step, from decoding the IEP document to understanding your rights, timelines, and how to ask for changes. It is like having a teacher-parent advocate in your back pocket.

When you walk into an IEP meeting prepared, confident, and informed, you do not just make the process easier. You open more doors for your child.

5 Simple Strategies to Support Little Learners at Home

If you’re reading this then you probably have a little learner at home. Maybe a curious kindergartener who asks 47 questions before breakfast, or a first grader who can read every single Pokémon card but somehow doesn’t know how to read their sight words. (Funny how that works.)

Whether your child is a toddler, in early elementary, or you’re homeschooling, one thing is true in the classroom or at home: kids learn best when they are in a safe, comfortable space that sparks curiosity and makes them excited to try new things. The good news? Supporting your little one doesn’t mean recreating a classroom at your kitchen table. You don’t need a bulletin board, an overhead projector, or a stash of gold star stickers. (Though stickers never hurt.)

Today, I’m sharing five simple, teacher-approved strategies that make learning fun, structured, and stress-free at home. Bonus: they’re easy to slip into your existing routines without shopping for a ton of supplies.

1. Create a Predictable Daily Routine

Kids thrive on routines. Think of them as little humans with built-in GPS systems. They feel calmer when they know what’s coming next. A predictable daily flow helps reduce meltdowns, builds independence, and creates space for learning.

This doesn’t mean you need a minute-by-minute schedule. Just anchor your day with a few “must-dos”: wake-up time, learning time, snack, play, story, bed. The predictability is what matters, not the exact timing. 

Teacher Tip: Post a simple routine checklist where your child can see it. Pictures work wonders for non-readers.

2. Turn Everyday Moments into Learning Opportunities

Learning doesn’t just happen during “sit down and focus” time. In fact, some of the best lessons are snuck into daily routines and happen naturally.

• Cooking? That’s math (measuring, counting, fractions) and science (mixing, melting, changing).

• Grocery shopping? That’s vocabulary, categories, and even budgeting.
  

• Car rides? Perfect time for rhyming games, “I Spy,” and quick fact practice. (And yes, I created a bank of ideas for you—scroll down for your free download!)
  

The key is keeping it playful. Kids remember learning that feels fun and connected to real life.

Teacher Tip: Ask open-ended questions. Instead of “What color is this apple?” try “What else is the same color as this apple?” Boom—vocabulary and thinking skills, unlocked.

A Little Story from Our Car Rides 

My son absolutely loves singing in the car. In fact, he asks for nursery rhymes so often that our rides sometimes resemble a live episode of The Mrs. Rachel Show. “Wheels on the Bus” is a staple, “Twinkle, Twinkle” makes a daily appearance, and heaven forbid I skip a verse, he notices every time.

What might look like simple entertainment is actually an incredible language-building activity. Nursery rhymes strengthen early literacy by developing phonemic awareness (the ability to hear and manipulate sounds in words), expanding vocabulary, and supporting memory through repetition. The rhythm and rhyme patterns lay the groundwork for reading fluency, while pairing songs with motions builds comprehension and sequencing skills.

So when we’re singing “Patty Cake” for the 12th time in a row, I know it’s not just keeping him happy, it’s giving his brain practice with sounds, words, and meaning. Even playful, silly songs are powerful tools for early language development. And yes, belting out “E-I-E-I-O” on the highway has definitely become one of my favorite ways to sneak in a little learning.

3. Use Short Bursts of Learning (a.k.a. The Power of 10 Minutes)

Here’s a secret: little learners don’t need hour-long lessons. In fact, their attention spans don’t last that long. Research shows young children can focus for about 2–5 minutes per year of age. That means your 5-year-old? You’re looking at 10–25 minutes, max.

Instead of marathon sessions, sprinkle in short bursts of focused learning. Ten minutes of phonics here, 15 minutes of math there. Pair it with lots of breaks, movement, and play.

Teacher Tip: Use a visual timer. Kids love seeing the time shrink, and it helps them understand “We’re working for just this long.”

4. Build in Movement and Play

Movement isn’t just for recess—it actually boosts brain function and helps kids retain what they learn. Play is equally important. When children “play school,” act out stories, or build with blocks, they’re practicing problem-solving, creativity, and social skills.

• Practice sight words by hopping to them on sticky notes taped to the floor.
  

• Act out a favorite story with stuffed animals.
  

• Use building blocks to make math problems visible.
  
  

  Teacher Tip: Don’t feel guilty if “learning time” turns into giggles and play. That’s where the magic happens.

5. Read, Read, Read (and Then Read Some More)

If I could bottle one strategy for early learning success, it would be this: read with your child every single day. Reading builds vocabulary, imagination, comprehension, and a lifelong love for learning.

It doesn’t have to be fancy. Five minutes before bed, a silly picture book, or even letting your child “read” the pictures to you. Every moment counts.

Teacher Tip: Let your child choose the book. Kids are more engaged when they’re excited about the story, even if it’s the same dinosaur book for the 103rd time.

Freebie for You: 40 Ways to Encourage Learning in the Car 

Let’s be honest, families spend a lot of time waiting—in the car, at the doctor’s office, in grocery store lines, or before soccer practice. Sometimes it feels like half of parenting is just keeping kids occupied. But here’s the good news: those moments are golden opportunities for sneaky learning.

To make it simple, I created a “40 Ways to Encourage Learning in the Car (and Beyond!)” cheat sheet. (I actually made 2 versions—one geared toward toddlers and early learners, and the other for early elementary-age kids.) It’s a printable list packed with quick, no-prep activities you can use anywhere—no supplies needed, just your voices, imaginations, and maybe the radio. 

Inside you’ll find ideas like:

• Rhyming and word games
  
  
  
  
  

• Quick math challenges (“How many red cars can we count before the stoplight?”)
  
  
  
  
  

• Story starters to spark creativity
  
  
  
  
  

• Memory and recall games
  
  
  
  
  

• Conversation prompts to build language and connection
  
  
  
  
  

It’s free, fun, and a great way to turn everyday car time into little bursts of learning.

[Download your free copy HERE!]

Welcome to The Teacher Mom Collective

I’m so Glad You’re Here!

Grab your coffee (yes, the one you reheated twice already) and pull up a chair. You have just stumbled into The Teacher Mom Collective. This is where lesson plans meet laundry piles, IEPs meet PB&Js, and teacher brains meet mom hearts.

This space was born from my life as both an ESE teacher and a mom, where bedtime stories sometimes sound suspiciously like phonics lessons and where IEP writing has happened more than once at the dinner table. It is a wild, messy, joyful overlap, and if you are here, I am guessing you are living it too.

Or maybe you are simply searching for encouragement and guidance as you support your child with special needs, or for resources that will make your teaching life smoother. Spoiler: snacks and dry shampoo help.

My Story (a.k.a. How We Got Here)

By day I am an ESE teacher, most at home in a Pre-K classroom filled with little learners who are full of energy, curiosity, and unique needs. My work includes leading reading groups, sitting through data meetings, and juggling enough sticky notes to wallpaper the Great Wall of China. For nearly a decade I have taught across every grade in special education, but my heart has always been with our youngest learners in ESE Pre-K. My focus has always been the same: helping children thrive both at school and at home.

By night, and in the early morning, and during every “Mommy, mommy, come here” moment, I am a mom. I am raising two little boys and I am also a proud bonus mom to a third. My Google calendar is a mash-up of lesson planning deadlines, pediatrician appointments, spirit week reminders, and the occasional “don’t forget to defrost the chicken.”

Here is where it gets real. After sitting in countless IEP meetings, I realized something important. Many parents walk in wanting the best for their child but do not always have the tools, language, or confidence to advocate effectively. And many teachers wish they had practical, ready-to-use resources to make the process easier for everyone.

That realization helped shape The Teacher Mom Collective.

This space is for parents who want to feel confident advocating for their children with special needs and for teachers, especially ESE Pre-K teachers, who need practical tools and support for their classrooms. My hope is that you will find both encouragement and real strategies here, because none of us should have to do this work alone.

The Mission (a.k.a. Why Bother Reading This?)

The Teacher Mom Collective exists for one simple mission: to empower parents of children with special needs and teachers, especially those in ESE Pre-K, by providing resources, strategies, and encouragement.

I believe that parents should not feel lost or intimidated in meetings about their child’s education. With the right knowledge, you can step into those spaces as a strong advocate.

I believe that teachers, and particularly ESE Pre-K teachers, deserve resources that are practical, time-saving, and designed with the realities of their classrooms in mind.

I believe that special education should never feel like a mystery. You deserve clear, plain-language guidance and tools.

I believe that community matters. Whether you are advocating for your child, planning lessons, or simply trying to keep everything afloat, you should not have to figure it out all by yourself.

What You Can Expect

You will not find perfection here. I am not serving Instagram-worthy bento lunches or promising to turn you into the Pinterest teacher of the year.

What you will find:

Classroom Tips and Tricks
Behavior management ideas, early learning activities, and practical ways to make IEPs and progress monitoring a little smoother.

Parenting and Advocacy Strategies
Encouragement and plain-language guidance to help you walk into IEP meetings with confidence, ask the right questions, and support learning at home.

Special Education Support
Checklists, resources, and practical tools to help parents and teachers understand and navigate the special education system.

Teacher-Mom Life Balance
Or at least a version of balance that involves Lit Teas, humor, and a decent planner.

Who’s It For?

• Parents of children with special needs who want tools and confidence to advocate for their children
  

• Teacher-moms balancing lesson plans and parenting
  

• ESE Pre-K teachers who need practical, ready-to-use resources for their classrooms
  

• Anyone curious about the chaos and beauty of teacher-mom life and the world of special education

The Freebie (Because Who Doesn’t Love Free?)

You can join The Teacher Mom Collective Newsletter. It is free, with no strings attached, just encouragement and resources delivered straight to your inbox once a week.

Why join?

• First access to new blog posts
  

• Bonus tips and resources that do not always make it onto the blog
  

• A sprinkle of encouragement, because sometimes you just need to hear, “Hang in there sister, you’re doing great!”
  

Signing up is like joining our teacher-mom group chat, without the constant ding of actual group chats.

Final Thoughts

If I had to sum it up, The Teacher Mom Collective is about this: we are in it together.

Teaching is hard. Parenting is hard. Parenting and teaching are journeys that take strength, patience, and a lot of love. But it is also beautiful, full of joy, and made up of moments that make the chaos worth it.

So welcome. Pour another cup of coffee, bookmark this page, and consider signing up for the newsletter so we can keep the conversation going.

Whether you are here for advocacy tools, classroom resources, parenting support, or just to laugh at the relatable chaos, you belong in The Teacher Mom Collective.

And remember: glitter is forever, reheated coffee still counts, and you are absolutely rocking this parenting and teaching thing.